My whole life I have studied heroes; in literature, the movies, and the generally held perception of a hero. Figures such as Herculeus, Achilles, Romeo (hey I love Shakespeare), Audie Murphy, The Punisher, (Anti-hero, I know)Superman, Batman; the list goes on and on. Some are heroes because of physical attributes, some because of an innate nobleness, some because of an out sized sense of justice, some (few) because they were at the right place at the right time and made the right decision.
I always thought of myself in heroic fashion, not in theme music plays as my life rolls on, but in a fashion that maybe I am larger then life. I am bigger then most people I know, tougher, I think I am more intelligent then most people I know, I am able to adapt to any situation or setting with ease and people seem to like me, etc, etc, ad naseum. In short, Heroic, so then I an a hero. But............
Why is that most heroes are lonely, depressed, and typically have few if any friends?? Sometimes it is because they loose their way, sometimes it is because they were once trying to save themselves but it is to late. Honestly, it is because most fail to live up to the internal standard they have set for themselves, or goals that they feel others require of them (real or imagined); a goal so lofty that in striving to obtain it the hero will inevitably fail and in doing so his greatest fears are realized: that he is just like everyone else and can not be depended upon or trusted. In short, a failure. Failed to save the world, failed to save the city, lost the battle, failed to save your squad, or even.......failed to save the girl of your dreams, who trusted and believed in you and firmly held you on a pedestal,but you could not even save yourself.
And so, heroes die. They don't fade away, or kiss their horse and ride off into the sunset, they don't hang up their cape and have families, they don't make movies about heroes. In the end, heroes die; I know, because I was a hero.
